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‘Bet Big Mike’s too scared to book somewhere foreign.’
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‘Bet you it’s Dublin,’ Hucknall will say, leaning back in his chair, his knees spread wide, his hands smoothing his tan chinos. Hucknall will have spent the whole morning moaning about the fact they’re flying from Bristol, and why couldn’t Big Mike have just told them where they’re going?
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They’ll sit in the bar getting drunk and studying departures screens. Hucknall and Peacock, travelling from London, will arrive at Bristol before the others. Larry said to the woman, ‘Your housemate’s a bit wild’, and the woman replied, ‘I don’t have a housemate, love. She’d taken Larry back to her place, and in the middle of the night he’d heard sex noises coming from the room next to hers. He had two kids and a house by the time he was twenty-seven, and he’ll think about that as he listens to Larry telling the story about the woman he picked up at the Kings. Rob’s father will be fifty-four in two weeks and will think there’s something significant about the fact, about being twice the age of his son. He’ll take a swig of his can, and look to Rob’s father. He’ll just be glad to get out of Caerphilly for the weekend he’s been waiting months for this, has imagined how it all might go. Gareth will nod and Gareth will sympathise. ‘It’s covered in notes for this fuckin stag. ‘You should see my desk in work,’ Big Mike will say. He’ll spend the journey to the airport telling Gareth, and anyone who listens, that Rob had better never marry again, that he couldn’t handle the stress of organising another one of these. It will be crumpled and creased from the constant hand-scrunching and metronome swatting against his suitcase – the only check-in bag on the entire trip. The plastic polypocket will be wedged thick with flight tickets and hostel reservations. And Big Mike, the best man, will spend the first twenty minutes reading and rereading the A4 itinerary he typed up on MS Word.
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